Whatever you do, donut do this to your head

The latest thing in Japanese body modification.

Thats just plain messed up!!

Saline injected into your head with a large needle and then someone pushes their thumb into their forhead to make it into a donut shape.

Did they want a job at Donut King or Krispy Creme or something? What if they dont put the hole straight in the middle, it could look like a toilet.

Hey toilet head!!

Why not shave your head and put it up a little higher then it could be a cup holder.

What do you think? Would you do it?

International Emmy and Gold Lion Award

The Great Crusade Emmy Nomination

We got nominated!! YAY!!

Congratulations to the team I worked with on the Emmy nominated and Gold Lion Award winning Great Crusade comedy series. 24 episodes shot in New Zealand during the rugby world cup for One HD and Qantas inflight entertainment had me playing myself, eventually turning into a deranged killer running around a caravan park in New Zealand with a kitchen knife wearing nothing but a bath towel. Usual saturday night really. Produced by big time Hollywood Director Gregor Jordan and director Nathan Earls this was an amazing opportunity for me to showcase my secret acting skills. From this I’ve scored a part in the new Magda Szubanski, Ronan Keating movie Goddess set for release in March 2013 and for the last 8 months Ive been filming another movie about a TV host who believes his friends, family and workmates have been making a reality show about him his whole life, sending him on a quest to prove it. It gets very messy with various shock endings sure to surprise. This looks set for early 2013 release as well. Stay tuned for free tickets to the sneak preview.
Cameron Knight and director producer Tony Prescot

Shooting Goldman in between takes with Cameron Knight and Director Producer Tony Prescott.

Dangerous Voiceovers

seconds before the spill

Seconds before the voiceover booth stack

Parking my car next to all the new rides at Dreamworld as I walk into the maximum security TV production section of the theme park that is Channel 9s Big Brother, it all seems surreal. After three short years you notice real change : the new house, amazing sets,the high tech cameras and microphones, the tricky lights, a staff tea room cookie upgrade instead of plain milk arrowroot theres an assortment, the instantaneous involvement of twitter and facebook on every show, reading voiceover scripts from producers iPhones and pads rather than scraps of paper, the bigger buckets of fairy floss now available at the Big Brother canteen, how my dressing room used to be the disabled toilet and now i share with the cameraman change rooms (upgrade?).
Mike Goldman

I did it all for the Cookie

Fans are back and with the odd loveable looney. Launch shows, sunday evictions and nominations are a blast for me as I still get to host the pre show entertainment(better than saying crowd warm up) . They love the shuffle dance, too hard for me, I couldn’t shuffle a deck of cards. Tonight its Layla, Estelle or Sharne. Fun times indeed. But its not rosy all the time…….
There has already been an accident in the Big Brother voiceover department this year. Was in my booth the other day, about to read a script about Bradley pumping iron in the gym and my chair broke. I hit the ground hard, it sounded great on playback, but it did hurt a little. Was it Karma for reading a funny voiceover, was it big brother playing prank on me? Perhaps. Below is a reenactment so you can get a feel for how much pain was caused when I hit the deck. Notice however that my scripts were not crumpled in any way, which I believe a testament to my script protection skills.
snap
Voiceover danger

The voiceover chair breaks

My voiceover stack reenactment.
No injuries, except for a minor paper cut.

YAY! AUSTRALIA 4th in the Medal Tally (silver)

Our Australian Olympians and Coaches have been copping it from all angles for crying too much, throwing Kebabs and generally under performing in what is being called our worst Olympic performance in 20 years. Not fair!! Its time to stop focusing on the negative and look for the silver lining people. We are actually coming 4th beating the worlds number 1 silver producer MEXICO in the Silver medal tally. Plus, silver is worth more than gold in some cases. Where? Well um, what about if you were being attacked by a werewolf or a vampire? in that case silver would be worth more than gold, it could even save your life. There you go. Also our Olympians already beat all 22 million people in Australia to GET to the Olympics, so lets take a gander at all the lazy countries with bigger populations that we are beating in the medal tally. Like Indonesia for example, for a very disciplined country Indonesia have 242,325,638 people and are at 43rd in the medal tally so far. India have over a billion, they have nukes, but no Gold! Come on Aussies, lets celebrate the countries we’re beating in the medal tally 😉
So it goes GOLD, SILVER, BRONZE and TOTAL – Then stuff I googled.
24 Australia 1 12 7 20 POPULATION a tincey tiny 22 million
25 Canada 1 3 6 10 POPULATION 34,482,779
26 Czech Republic 1 3 1 5 A lot
27 Sweden 1 3 0 4 A lot
28 Kenya 1 2 2 5 Kenya try harder? POP 41,609,728
29 Brazil 1 1 5 7 POPULATION 196,655,014 DISAPPOINTING!!!
30 Slovenia 1 1 2 4 Ok they only have 2 million, moving on
31 Croatia 1 1 0 2 Lots of hawt babes.
31 Switzerland 1 1 0 2 Only 8 million but they have awesome chocolate and beer so its understandable theyre unfit
33 Iran 1 0 1 2 Trouble and nukes
33 Lithuania 1 0 1 2 Im sick of googling
35 Georgia 1 0 0 1 I went out with a Georgia onece
35 Venezuela 1 0 0 1 Usually good at creating beauty Queens Looky looky – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Venezuelans
37 Mexico 0 3 2 5 POPULATION 112,336,538
38 Colombia 0 3 1 4 They will have a tasty Cigar even if they lose, so really they’re winning
39 Spain 0 2 1 3 POPULATION 47,190,493 thats a lot of Tapas
40 Slovakia 0 1 3 4 Google it
41 Azerbaijan 0 1 2 3 Yahoo it
41 India 0 1 2 3 What! India only has a million? Oh sorry thats a billion. 1,241,491,960
43 Armenia 0 1 1 2 Come on seriously you can search it yourself now.
43 Belgium 0 1 1 2 Nice beer and chocolate
43 Indonesia 0 1 1 2 POPULATION 242,325,638
43 Mongolia 0 1 1 2 I had mongolian BBQ last night, its awesome.
43 Norway 0 1 1 2 Norway am Im getting off topic here.
43 Serbia 0 1 1 2 Never been there, heard its pretty.
49 Egypt 0 1 0 1 Pyramids.
49 Guatemala 0 1 0 1 I heart Guacamole
49 Malaysia 0 1 0 1 Cheap flights from sydney on that new Scoot airline
49 Thailand 0 1 0 1 69 million and awesome scuba diving
49 Chinese Taipei 0 1 0 1 Hang on, maybe they should just rejoin china, they’re WINNING!!
54 Greece 0 0 2 2 Euro troubles, understandable.
54 Moldova 0 0 2 2 Pavalova.
56 Argentina 0 0 1 1 Really really want to go there.
56 Hong Kong 0 0 1 1 My mum won a gold medal in shopping there.
56 Qatar 0 0 1 1 I can play Stairway to heaven on the Quatar
56 Singapore 0 0 1 1 Noodles
56 Tunisia 0 0 1 1 No comment.
56 Uzbekistan 0 0 1 1 They make Uzi’s

Pick your Date

Ok, so that wasn’t the name we went with for my new dating show. I wanted “bro’s and Hos”,”pick me Im not a whore”, “mikes web cam hotties” or “dont pick the axe murderer”, but apparantley they were taken. All the TV channels want it, but who needs an annoying TV channel when you have to put the show on at a certain time. My chumlinks, you can watch ours whenever! The first episode or Date or Dud features “sex expert” Dr Nikki Goldstien and I hear after the launch of this episode she brought out her own range of camaflaged vibrators. Yes ones that you can wear ad agroovy bangle or ancklette and nobody will even know that your actually orgasiming in the back corner of Starbucks while ordering a caramel late. So have a look and if youre game, not at Nikki knocking one out, but at our super cool new show, or even have a go by uploading a video saying why you should be the date. Every contestant wins $100 cash, a $50 itunes voucher, the chance at an all expenses paid dream date and a free vagazzaling kit. Ok, theres no Vegazzaling kit, but I want one. Really. http://dateordud.com.au/

Afghanistan and Iraq – ANZAC day 2012

Hug a digger day. Yo, what up my digger!

It is the 97th anniversary of the day ANZAC troops landed at Gallipoli, today we commemorate those who served in the First World War.

20,000 ex-servicemen are taking part in the Anzac Day march in their honour today and today every Australian salutes our armed forces with
utmost pride. It is that same pride that our armed forces carry when they serve and represent our country. Fighting for our lives and serving us all to keep our freedom. Even though in some peoples eyes our community is divided, this is the one thing that joins us all together as one. Say we get attacked from another country, your religion, race, colour creed, place of birth, stature, your bank account mean nothing as all we have are our armed forces to protect us all. When I was in the middle east as a part of Tour De Force to entertain the armed forces I saw first hand the unappreciated work that our armed forces do when abroad. Away from their loved ones, away from the creature comforts of home, living in horrible conditions and working extremely long and unexpected hours. After being there, hearing the stories and understanding why they do what they do I feel the job our troops are doing is completely called for and I have a newfound appreciation for our armed forces. Both of my grandfathers and my uncle was in the armed forces and never really talked about it a lot as I feel in their day it was not something that people respected and appreciated as much as they do now. Today is a day to stand up and say thank you to everyone who serves our country both home and abroad. Heres a couple of cool photos I took while on tour with The Angels and a stack of comedians entertaining the troops in the middle east.
Read about my trip to Iraq and Afghanistan here

Mikes Fashion weak

I knew they looked like something novel from my childhood and I figured it out. All you hipsters out there following the latest cutting edge fashion are really dressed like pappa smurf. Cool!!!!

"a hipster"

Tight pants – Check
Big Beard – Check
Beanie – Check

So now if the Pappa smurf look is in you have to go and find a date with a girl that dresses like Smurfette.
Actually come to think of it that would be like dating a midget Avatar in pokerdots. Nice, I think Im a little turned on right now.

I always wanted to grow a beard when I was young to impress the babes, but unfortunately my 17 year old beard would always look like storm clouds in a white sky or a milo face as I was once called. It just didn’t cut it. So if you’re too young to grow a pappa beard heres a cool idea that may help you. MAybe get nanna to make one for you or something. Awesome!!



Oh and heres a few beards that may not work. A trim or perhaps a complete shave.

Is that a beard or was he eating a Chihuahua?!??
That reminds me, Im hungry!
Thats all this week for Mikes Fashion Weak.

Wanna be a Star?

When I say Star, I mean Television Presenter and when I say Television Presenter I mean Infomercialist. Hey, you gotta start somewhere. Its national, its paid and you can add your own brand of style and personality to make it shake and bake baby. Its where most big name celebrities today started out. Im loving the old Leonardo De Caprio and John Travolta commercials below, Also check out the list at of celebrities who do infomercials I found. This competition could be your big break. At the very least you will sleep well at night knowing that you helped someone slice and dice easier, grill their food properly, get rid of their big ass zits or mop the floor effectively. Or maybe your just like me and hoping it may lead to a date with hot blonde receptionist from the TV station who wouldn’t normally talk to you. Is it weird that I left my make up on when I asked her out the other day. I digress.
So make your video and upload it to the Danoz Star Search Site, then get your friends to like it on the Danoz Facebook Like page and the job could be yours! Just for liking your video your pals can win plasma screen TVs, Digital cameras and other cool stuff.

While we’re on commercials.

Hers a cool Japanese commercial starring Leonardo De Caprio.

What about Johno Travolta in some “suss” TV commercials.

Celebrities who have done infomercials :
Delta Goodrem and P diddy: Pro Active
Cher: Lori Davis Hair Care
Alex Trebek: WordSmart, vocabulary-building tool
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Ab Glider
Cheryl Burke: Fullfast Appetite Control Spray
Nick Lachey: Celebrity Trainer for Core Secrets
Judith Light: various
Brooke Shields: various
Alicia Keys: various
Vanessa Williams: Proactiv
Leeza Gibbons: Sheer Cover makeup
Susan Lucci: Malibu Pilates
Victoria Principal: Principal Secret, skin care
Mr. T: FlavorWave Oven Turbo
Dan Marino: Nutrisystem
Chuck Norris: Total Gym
Wesley Snipes: Total Gym
Christie Brinkley: Total Gym
George Foreman: Grill
Cindy Crawford: Meaningful Beauty, skin care
Valerie Bertinelli: Meaningful Beauty, skin care

Mike Goldman

mike goldman

mike goldman

Coming Soon


Yes thats me behind the guy in the middles armpit. Ever since my starring role in BMX bandits with Nicole Kidman at age 10 I dreamed of making my own film and now that dream is a reality. Other than the fact I was really an armpit EXTRA in BMX bandits, to me I was the star. Why, I hear you bunny hop? Well, I’ll tell you why. Because in my little 8 year old head, burning along Freshwater beach on my blue Mongoose 360 BMX, I had an awesome secret weapon in the shape of my racoon skin hat fresh from Frontier land in Disneyland. It made me feel like the star and stand out from the gaggle of BMX grommets chucking flower bombs everywhere. Yes, I stood out because I broke the law and didnt wear a stack hat. I risked my life for fame and to me It really didn’t matter. I just wanted to do awesome shit in a movie and for my mates to think it was freakin cool.Script meeting
So this movie Im making now is something different to the usual thing you may see at Event cinemas on a saturday night with your willy poking up through the popcorn box to scare your friends. Our movie is a documentary/mockumentary that sends you into outer space, reels you back in and then drops you back off a cliff. A movie that will draw you in and confuse you as to what is real and what is not. We have some amazing people working with us and it wil be a real challenge for me not just as an actor but in so many other ways. Off camera I have to help write the script, get sponsors, locations, produce and get funding. On camera I have to get naked, lose weight, shave my head, shoot people (yes with a gun), fly to LA, shoot there (not people), cut my penis off and become paranoid and delusional. Ok, maybe Im not cutting my willy off. Some ex girlfriends out there may like to but. Everything else is all systems a go from Prescott Goldman Films new office on Mill Hill rd Bondi Junction.

Behind the scenes on a sports commercial

"beach babes scene 22"

I’m really proud of what we have written, produced and shot so far. The crew are really excited at the films prospects, its so exciting. Allow me to introduce you to the cast. Yasmin Kassim is my super hot leading lady who eventually gets tied up and shot. WHOOPS!! Should have said spoiler alert! Cameron Knight is my agent in the film, a great actor and super stand up comedienne. We have already shot scenes with Matt Sorum from Guns and Roses and Jessica Sutter from the Pussy Cat Dolls at the opening of the Hard Rock Cafe in Sydney that I hosted too. We’ve shot with bikini babes on the beach in Queensland as a part of a behind the scenes shoot for a TV commercial and we have done a naked voiceover scene at Cutting Edge Post in Brisbane. That wasn’t supposed to be like that but the air conditioning was busted and we just ran with it. >AWKWARD< In a couple of weeks we have scenes to shoot in LA and the big scene on a farm in the Hunter Valley. Today I meet with our psychiatrist working on the film so I can method act my way into becoming a paranoid delusional schizophrenic.Exciting times. For more info on the film or to get involved e mail me direct mike@mikegoldman.tv