Our Australian Olympians and Coaches have been copping it from all angles for crying too much, throwing Kebabs and generally under performing in what is being called our worst Olympic performance in 20 years. Not fair!! Its time to stop focusing on the negative and look for the silver lining people. We are actually coming 4th beating the worlds number 1 silver producer MEXICO in the Silver medal tally. Plus, silver is worth more than gold in some cases. Where? Well um, what about if you were being attacked by a werewolf or a vampire? in that case silver would be worth more than gold, it could even save your life. There you go. Also our Olympians already beat all 22 million people in Australia to GET to the Olympics, so lets take a gander at all the lazy countries with bigger populations that we are beating in the medal tally. Like Indonesia for example, for a very disciplined country Indonesia have 242,325,638 people and are at 43rd in the medal tally so far. India have over a billion, they have nukes, but no Gold! Come on Aussies, lets celebrate the countries we’re beating in the medal tally 😉
So it goes GOLD, SILVER, BRONZE and TOTAL – Then stuff I googled.
24 Australia 1 12 7 20 POPULATION a tincey tiny 22 million
25 Canada 1 3 6 10 POPULATION 34,482,779
26 Czech Republic 1 3 1 5 A lot
27 Sweden 1 3 0 4 A lot
28 Kenya 1 2 2 5 Kenya try harder? POP 41,609,728
29 Brazil 1 1 5 7 POPULATION 196,655,014 DISAPPOINTING!!!
30 Slovenia 1 1 2 4 Ok they only have 2 million, moving on
31 Croatia 1 1 0 2 Lots of hawt babes.
31 Switzerland 1 1 0 2 Only 8 million but they have awesome chocolate and beer so its understandable theyre unfit
33 Iran 1 0 1 2 Trouble and nukes
33 Lithuania 1 0 1 2 Im sick of googling
35 Georgia 1 0 0 1 I went out with a Georgia onece
35 Venezuela 1 0 0 1 Usually good at creating beauty Queens Looky looky – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Venezuelans
37 Mexico 0 3 2 5 POPULATION 112,336,538
38 Colombia 0 3 1 4 They will have a tasty Cigar even if they lose, so really they’re winning
39 Spain 0 2 1 3 POPULATION 47,190,493 thats a lot of Tapas
40 Slovakia 0 1 3 4 Google it
41 Azerbaijan 0 1 2 3 Yahoo it
41 India 0 1 2 3 What! India only has a million? Oh sorry thats a billion. 1,241,491,960
43 Armenia 0 1 1 2 Come on seriously you can search it yourself now.
43 Belgium 0 1 1 2 Nice beer and chocolate
43 Indonesia 0 1 1 2 POPULATION 242,325,638
43 Mongolia 0 1 1 2 I had mongolian BBQ last night, its awesome.
43 Norway 0 1 1 2 Norway am Im getting off topic here.
43 Serbia 0 1 1 2 Never been there, heard its pretty.
49 Egypt 0 1 0 1 Pyramids.
49 Guatemala 0 1 0 1 I heart Guacamole
49 Malaysia 0 1 0 1 Cheap flights from sydney on that new Scoot airline
49 Thailand 0 1 0 1 69 million and awesome scuba diving
49 Chinese Taipei 0 1 0 1 Hang on, maybe they should just rejoin china, they’re WINNING!!
54 Greece 0 0 2 2 Euro troubles, understandable.
54 Moldova 0 0 2 2 Pavalova.
56 Argentina 0 0 1 1 Really really want to go there.
56 Hong Kong 0 0 1 1 My mum won a gold medal in shopping there.
56 Qatar 0 0 1 1 I can play Stairway to heaven on the Quatar
56 Singapore 0 0 1 1 Noodles
56 Tunisia 0 0 1 1 No comment.
56 Uzbekistan 0 0 1 1 They make Uzi’s
Pick your Date
Ok, so that wasn’t the name we went with for my new dating show. I wanted “bro’s and Hos”,”pick me Im not a whore”, “mikes web cam hotties” or “dont pick the axe murderer”, but apparantley they were taken. All the TV channels want it, but who needs an annoying TV channel when you have to put the show on at a certain time. My chumlinks, you can watch ours whenever! The first episode or Date or Dud features “sex expert” Dr Nikki Goldstien and I hear after the launch of this episode she brought out her own range of camaflaged vibrators. Yes ones that you can wear ad agroovy bangle or ancklette and nobody will even know that your actually orgasiming in the back corner of Starbucks while ordering a caramel late. So have a look and if youre game, not at Nikki knocking one out, but at our super cool new show, or even have a go by uploading a video saying why you should be the date. Every contestant wins $100 cash, a $50 itunes voucher, the chance at an all expenses paid dream date and a free vagazzaling kit. Ok, theres no Vegazzaling kit, but I want one. Really. http://dateordud.com.au/ 
Afghanistan and Iraq – ANZAC day 2012
Hug a digger day. Yo, what up my digger!
It is the 97th anniversary of the day ANZAC troops landed at Gallipoli, today we commemorate those who served in the First World War.
20,000 ex-servicemen are taking part in the Anzac Day march in their honour today and today every Australian salutes our armed forces with
utmost pride. It is that same pride that our armed forces carry when they serve and represent our country. Fighting for our lives and serving us all to keep our freedom. Even though in some peoples eyes our community is divided, this is the one thing that joins us all together as one. Say we get attacked from another country, your religion, race, colour creed, place of birth, stature, your bank account mean nothing as all we have are our armed forces to protect us all. 
When I was in the middle east as a part of Tour De Force to entertain the armed forces I saw first hand the unappreciated work that our armed forces do when abroad. Away from their loved ones, away from the creature comforts of home, living in horrible conditions and working extremely long and unexpected hours. After being there, hearing the stories and understanding why they do what they do I feel the job our troops are doing is completely called for and I have a newfound appreciation for our armed forces. Both of my grandfathers and my uncle was in the armed forces and never really talked about it a lot as I feel in their day it was not something that people respected and appreciated as much as they do now. Today is a day to stand up and say thank you to everyone who serves our country both home and abroad. Heres a couple of cool photos I took while on tour with The Angels and a stack of comedians entertaining the troops in the middle east.
Read about my trip to Iraq and Afghanistan here
Mikes Fashion weak
I knew they looked like something novel from my childhood and I figured it out. All you hipsters out there following the latest cutting edge fashion are really dressed like pappa smurf. Cool!!!!
Big Beard – Check
Beanie – Check
So now if the Pappa smurf look is in you have to go and find a date with a girl that dresses like Smurfette.
Actually come to think of it that would be like dating a midget Avatar in pokerdots. Nice, I think Im a little turned on right now.
I always wanted to grow a beard when I was young to impress the babes, but unfortunately my 17 year old beard would always look like storm clouds in a white sky or a milo face as I was once called. It just didn’t cut it. So if you’re too young to grow a pappa beard heres a cool idea that may help you. MAybe get nanna to make one for you or something. Awesome!!
Oh and heres a few beards that may not work. A trim or perhaps a complete shave.
Is that a beard or was he eating a Chihuahua?!??
That reminds me, Im hungry!
Thats all this week for Mikes Fashion Weak.
Wanna be a Star?
When I say Star, I mean Television Presenter and when I say Television Presenter I mean Infomercialist. Hey, you gotta start somewhere. Its national, its paid and you can add your own brand of style and personality to make it shake and bake baby. Its where most big name celebrities today started out. Im loving the old Leonardo De Caprio and John Travolta commercials below, Also check out the list at of celebrities who do infomercials I found. This competition could be your big break. At the very least you will sleep well at night knowing that you helped someone slice and dice easier, grill their food properly, get rid of their big ass zits or mop the floor effectively. Or maybe your just like me and hoping it may lead to a date with hot blonde receptionist from the TV station who wouldn’t normally talk to you. Is it weird that I left my make up on when I asked her out the other day. I digress.
So make your video and upload it to the Danoz Star Search Site, then get your friends to like it on the Danoz Facebook Like page and the job could be yours! Just for liking your video your pals can win plasma screen TVs, Digital cameras and other cool stuff.
While we’re on commercials.
Hers a cool Japanese commercial starring Leonardo De Caprio.
What about Johno Travolta in some “suss” TV commercials.
Celebrities who have done infomercials :
Delta Goodrem and P diddy: Pro Active
Cher: Lori Davis Hair Care
Alex Trebek: WordSmart, vocabulary-building tool
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Ab Glider
Cheryl Burke: Fullfast Appetite Control Spray
Nick Lachey: Celebrity Trainer for Core Secrets
Judith Light: various
Brooke Shields: various
Alicia Keys: various
Vanessa Williams: Proactiv
Leeza Gibbons: Sheer Cover makeup
Susan Lucci: Malibu Pilates
Victoria Principal: Principal Secret, skin care
Mr. T: FlavorWave Oven Turbo
Dan Marino: Nutrisystem
Chuck Norris: Total Gym
Wesley Snipes: Total Gym
Christie Brinkley: Total Gym
George Foreman: Grill
Cindy Crawford: Meaningful Beauty, skin care
Valerie Bertinelli: Meaningful Beauty, skin care
Mike Goldman
Coming Soon
Yes thats me behind the guy in the middles armpit. Ever since my starring role in BMX bandits with Nicole Kidman at age 10 I dreamed of making my own film and now that dream is a reality. Other than the fact I was really an armpit EXTRA in BMX bandits, to me I was the star. Why, I hear you bunny hop? Well, I’ll tell you why. Because in my little 8 year old head, burning along Freshwater beach on my blue Mongoose 360 BMX, I had an awesome secret weapon in the shape of my racoon skin hat fresh from Frontier land in Disneyland. It made me feel like the star and stand out from the gaggle of BMX grommets chucking flower bombs everywhere. Yes, I stood out because I broke the law and didnt wear a stack hat. I risked my life for fame and to me It really didn’t matter. I just wanted to do awesome shit in a movie and for my mates to think it was freakin cool.
So this movie Im making now is something different to the usual thing you may see at Event cinemas on a saturday night with your willy poking up through the popcorn box to scare your friends. Our movie is a documentary/mockumentary that sends you into outer space, reels you back in and then drops you back off a cliff. A movie that will draw you in and confuse you as to what is real and what is not. We have some amazing people working with us and it wil be a real challenge for me not just as an actor but in so many other ways. Off camera I have to help write the script, get sponsors, locations, produce and get funding. On camera I have to get naked, lose weight, shave my head, shoot people (yes with a gun), fly to LA, shoot there (not people), cut my penis off and become paranoid and delusional. Ok, maybe Im not cutting my willy off. Some ex girlfriends out there may like to but. Everything else is all systems a go from Prescott Goldman Films new office on Mill Hill rd Bondi Junction. 
The Great Crusade
Want to be a part of “The Great Crusade? What’s that? You say, religiously sanctioned military campaigns aren’t my thing and its not even the dark ages? Rack off Mike! Fair enough. If that were the case fine, but its not, so please allow me to explain. This is a crusade around New Zealand following the gods of rugby whom we call the Qantas Wallabies and no we aren’t doing it in clanky suits of armour, on horseback, eating off the land. We are doing it in style and luxury. Campervans ladies and gentlemen, luxurious, pimped out palaces on wheels. Taking in the best New Zealand has to offer, supporting the Qantas Wallabies everywhere they go and partying hard. This amazing experience is the brainchild of Glen Condie and his dream team at “Wonder“. Want to come? All you gotta do is up load a video to www.thegreatcrusade.com.au and show us just how far you would go to support the Qantas Wallabies. Im a judge and looking for originality people. So no boring videos about how you’ve never had a holiday or how you want to clean my car. Make me laugh, make me cry, sho us how big a fan you really are and you may just have yourself a spot on one of the coolest crusades in history.
ACA Heart’s BB
Yeah ok, click to watch watch the story here if you like, but if you want a behind the scenes story then read on.
Look at Pete on the far right, he looks so excited to be there, unlike myself who looks so inattentive.
They hated our guts during our 8 years of amazing Australian Television history and played a major part in having the show taken off the air and now ten years later they confess their love for Big Brother with a TV special? Interesting. Gretel Killeen didn’t want to do this ACA story because she thought it was too soon, Kyle and Jacqui O didn’t get asked, so as the only host that worked on the show for all 8 years I was the best way to kill two pigs with the one bird. (Hello Angry Birds Fans) It was kinda weird walking into Channel 9 studios at Willoughby in Sydney to find millionaire BB winner Trevor suited up at reception waiting for everyone to show up. He looks different, he’s shaved his dreadlocks, beefed up and still a barrrel of laughs. BB 01 doonah dancer Pete Timbs was there running around recording housemate interviews for what will probably be a womans day or TV week story in the coming months. He’s doing well with his pizza shop, I think its a Crust franchise or something. When all the housemates finally showed up we headed to a bar near the Channel 9 canteen where we were showered with a few drinks and a catch up. Immediately I thought, hello they’re going to get us really really pissed and make us talk about all the naughty things that happened behind the scenes, but this wasn’t the case. As you may have seen in the story, it was all quite positive, except for the Camilla incident. (gobble gobble)
During the ACA interview we talked up the production company, Endemol Southern Star and its amazing producers which was edited out, fantastic words of praise for Gretel Killeen binned, executive producer Peter Abbott’s attention to detail was also gone with that crazy time we had a nude friday night games with all Big Brother staff and housemates. Umm, ok I can’t back that up, I did suggest it once when our up late ratings looked like they were taking a slide. Hey, everything is a good idea in a brainstorm! I digress. After the interview most of the housemates went to a place called “The Blues bar”, on York st the city, which is an amazing place for dinner and cocktails and then the Ivy for a few beers. We got some strange looks when we were out on the town, one person asked me for an autograph. Unfortunately it was because she thought I was Manu from My Kitchen Rules. I LOOK NOTHING LIKE HIM!! Shock horror we got no free drinks while we were out either. Yeah, that ride finished years ago.
At one point we all looked around and wondered where BB03 winner Reggie was. Then I realized I had a missed call from her on my phone so I called her back and she told me that because shes half blind and can hardly see anything in really low light the poor darling took a wrong turn and got lost between the dark depths of the Mornings With Kerri Anne and Today show sets. Isnt that where the old Hot Dogs Up Late set is? We had to get security to release the hounds and luckily they found her. Back to the Ivy and the loudness continued till about 2am when we split for Camilla’s hotel room. Nobody got hurt, nothing was broken, but there was nothing left in her bar fridge after our visit thats for sure. Great to catch up with everyone and I never thought I would ever be saying this but, “thanks A Current Affair for such an entertaining and positive story”, I knew you guys were fans all along.
Million Paws Walk
Yes it really floats my goat!
Come on out and raise funds and awareness for a great cause. Its on in every state in Australia and bigger and better than ever.
I will be walking with Tigger my physic goat on the day. Come say g’day…..
RSPCA Million Paws Walk from Mike Goldman on Vimeo.