This is full on!! If you’re squeamish or have just eaten I would definitely look away. Its an anti drink driving campaign by Leo Burnett London. Its part of a Pub toilet Shocker campaign for the Department for Transport’s THINK! campaign. The idea is that you’ll be in the dunny and this face goes smashing into the mirror from the other side you’ll think it was from a car accident and decide to never drink drive. Either that or make you accidentally crap your pants before you get to the bowl and or scare you from ever going to a public toilet again.
Battle Cam
Yes you probably think I’m about to tell you about the most amazing show on the planet that is Big Brother and that the auditions are on right now.
Well, I’m not. I want to tell you about this revolutionary new TV thing I just saw in the USA called Battle Cam.
Actually, since they pay me I’d better give it a quick plug. Auditions are NEXT WEEK!!!
https://bigbrother2013.castasugar.com/
ALL applicants (including those who submitted a video online) will need to bring their registration form & ID to one of the following days on the Housemate Hunt:
PERTH – Thursday, April 4 (Crown Perth – Formerly Burswood Casino) (11AM – 7PM)
MELBOURNE DAY 1 – Saturday, April 6 (Rydges Bell City Preston) (8AM – 4PM)
MELBOURNE DAY 2 – Sunday, April 7 (Rydges Bell City Preston) (8AM – 4PM)
ADELAIDE – Thursday, April 11 (Adelaide Showground, Ridley Centre) (11AM – 7PM)
SYDNEY DAY 1 – Saturday, April 13 (Australian Technology Park) (8AM – 4PM)
SYDNEY DAY 2 – Sunday, April 14 (Australian Technology Park) (8AM – 4PM)
NEWCASTLE – Tuesday, April 16 (Newcastle Panthers) (11AM – 7PM)
BRISBANE– Saturday, April 20 (Pullman King George Square) (8AM – 4PM)
GOLD COAST – Sunday, April 21 (Jupiters Gold Coast) (8AM – 4PM)
WHAT IF YOU LIVE MORE THAN 500KM FROM THESE LOCATIONS?
If you live more than 500km from any of the above locations Big Brother will accept your registration form and video instead of seeing you in person at this stage. If Big Brother likes what he sees, you will be contacted and flown in for the phase 2 audition process. Please select this option on your registration form. If you are unsure if this applies to you please email us at bigbrother@bigbrother.com.au
REGISTER HERE!!! https://bigbrother2013.castasugar.com/
Im so excited about the enormity of the next series I’m PREXHAUSTED (preemptively exhausted)
SO onto BATTLE CAM!!
Battle Cam is free to air TV KILM Channel 64 Los Angeles started by an eccentric Greek Billionaire by the name of Alki David
He looks like a whole lot of fun this guy.
Basically you buy a $10 camera from battlecam.com for the top of your TV and you battle it out for your 5 minuites of fame in a split screen challenge against other people. The public vote live from their lounge room and if the love you you stay, if they “poop” you, that means you’re kicked off. The longer you stay on camera the more money you earn. Yes, they pay you actual cash! I think its like $10 every time your’re on or something.
In a publicity stunt recently Alki David offered US one million dollars for anyone who would do a nudie run in front of president Obama with Battle Cam written on their chest. One guy did it but the President didn’t see it, so no cash for the nutbag. You think thats mental, a terminally ill man with brain cancer will died in front of millions of people when the TV station was just online.
Nikolai Ivanisovich, 62, was given the lethal injection by a doctor at a clinic in Switzerland. Its only a matter of time till someone does something stupid on this channel like chops off a finger or worse, kills someone or themselves. Oh, hang on, that already happened.
So I watched Battle Cam for about three hours last night and It’s a lot like my show I host called Big Brother up late. NOTHING HAPPENS FOR AGES!!! But when it does it’s really exciting. When I host or voice Big Brother Up Late we look for the one on one conversations a lot of the time because it’s a lot less convoluted and people are more likely to be more open. So in that aspect Battle Cam works really well with two people on two different cams at all times.
I watched people talk about their love life, a guy with tattoos all over his face talk about why he did it, watched a guy put pins through his hand, an ex playboy bunny interview an old guy about his life, its very different to any sort of television I’ve ever seen. I can honestly say that it has a future. Only real problem is it can get quite boring. So the concept needs to evolve. I think they need hosts there 24/7 that are up to speed with all conversations going on so they can pop on screen occasionally. Or have a break from Battle Cam and put on my dating show using their battle cam’s for contestants maybe. Check it out if you haven’t seen it!
Housemates needed……
Are you funny? Good looking? Loud and crazy?
Well, that doesn’t mean anything really does it….
Want to win some cash? Skip about 12 weeks of work?
You’ll get to hang out with Sonia Kruger and have millions of people watch you on the telle every week.
Well have we got a deal for you!!
https://bigbrother2013.castasugar.com/
Yes, Big Brother wants you for this years series.
If your over 18, an australian citizen and up for some fun this could be one of the most memorable things you ever do.
Damn!! I wish I could enter.
See you on the next series of the greatest show in the world!!
Mike 😉
Some Bali That I Used to know
Come to Bali, throw a party, surf, eat amazing food and then ruin your holiday by going on a detox. Im a little grumpy cause its my first day detoxing with Shuntaya where all I can eat for four days is a variety of herbal pills, runny clay drink, coconut juice and vegetable broth every hour or so. Not even the freakin’ vegetables, just the broth! Never done anything like this properly before. There was that once I started the 7 day detox in a box kit and canned it on the first day because it turned my ass into a tap. That didnt bother me too much, but the fact I was hosting a live national TV show at the time made it difficult.
So my brother Jay and my best buddy Sam and I all decided when hungover after my 40th birthday party that we needed to do a detox. Sam sent me a link for Shuntaya, I booked it. A naturapath by the name of Monica dropped by our villa for a 1 hour consultation with each of us talking to us about what we eat, drink and do to our bodies on a daily basis. Apparently shes e mailing what we need to do on top of the Shuntaya 4 day detox drill. Did I mention I hate getting old. Meh! I thought 1 or two litres of water a day was enough, just found out I am meant to have four litres four being 86 kilos. Whoops, no wonder my kidneys are always sore. Actually that could be tequila, but its good tequila, not that Jose Quervo crap, usually Patron or Mezcal. I digress. So when Monica the naturapath showed up Sam and Jay had locked themselves in their villas threatening an escape to DEUS temple up the road for free taco and tattoo Tuesday. Eventually they were up for the detox or what Monica called a body reset. If only I had a button I could push, only im not that way inclined. over 50 pills later and 11 sloppy metamucil type shakes we get a colonic irrigation tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Day 2
Just woke up to the sound of illegal fireworks being set off outside my villa. Seriously, Its 6am, who lets of fireworks in the day let alone at 6am. Fuck im hungry and grumpy. Must put on a happy face or I’ll scare evryone away. Shake time, oh jeesus, this tastes like ass mixed with off milk. Today is the ass hose out day, colonic irrigation. FAK! Im going back to bed. Alarm goes off at 7, first handfull of pils and thick tasteless detox drink. EW! Do this for a few hours then its time for the first Colon Cleanse. Wow, this is mental. You can actually watch whats coming out, I call it “Poo Tube”. It really is shit television. My brother burst into the clinic with his video camera when I was getting it done. Want to see? If I get any comments asking for the video I’ll upload my download video. Went to have a massage this afternoon and the worst headache I have ever had in my life hit me like a falling Balinese coconut. I had to take a panadol. My friend sam called me a cheat cause its not part of the detox.
Day Three
Woke up feeling pretty good, skipped the crap shake and ran to DEUS Temple up the road from where Im staying in Changuu, its bloody hot, about 31 degrees. Another colonic at 11am which Im kind of dreading. Did the colonic and it was a little more full on. Apparently didnt drink enough water and the clay drink thing was harder in my guts than usual. Fabulous. Betty the clinic ass technician went from massaging my gut to poking my bowel like a remote control that wouldn’t work. I felt violated a little. Its late niw in my room, tomorrow is the last morning if this rectum ritual and then at 11am I am free from Detox hell. Im thinking vietnamese food. I am going to eat it quicker than a……..(insert something really quick here). I cant think.
EAT-PRAY-DRINK-PARTY-LOVE
The year long filming of my movie “Shooting Goldman” is done, Big Brother series 9 is dusted and I’ve just turned 40 so its time for a party. Had some mates suggest I celebrate in Bali. 
I have never been to Bali and have always been one of those people who said that they would never go after Muslim extremist bombings in October 2002, but they were 10 years ago. I have friends who have moved there, previously lived there and constantly rave about how incredible it is for the heart, mind, soul and more importantly to me they have awesome cocktails. Oh, and then theres these AAMI ad’s on TV at the moment featuring some Balinese dude called Katut romancing a middle aged australian woman, Julia Roberts Eat Pray Love style. It absolutely cracks me up every time I see it. Im not embarrassed to admit it, but I loved the movie too. Javier Bardem is one of my favourite actors, he’s in it. So enough reasons to go, I’m there!
About 6 months ago I decided to start organising my 40th in Seminyak with the help of good friend Tracey Williams Strano. Tracy runs a wedding company called www.oolalah.com.au and was on my case to sort an invitation. So as you can see I sprayed myself gold and got shot by my best buddy Henryk Lobaczewski, please check his stuff its amazing. This is me as the real Gold-man! 
If you’ve been and want to suggest something for us to do there please post it here and I’d say it will probably be on the cards. Stay tuned for an update of how things go.
M x
Whatever you do, donut do this to your head
The latest thing in Japanese body modification.
Thats just plain messed up!!
Saline injected into your head with a large needle and then someone pushes their thumb into their forhead to make it into a donut shape.
Did they want a job at Donut King or Krispy Creme or something? What if they dont put the hole straight in the middle, it could look like a toilet.
Hey toilet head!!
Why not shave your head and put it up a little higher then it could be a cup holder.
What do you think? Would you do it?
International Emmy and Gold Lion Award
Dangerous Voiceovers
There has already been an accident in the Big Brother voiceover department this year. Was in my booth the other day, about to read a script about Bradley pumping iron in the gym and my chair broke. I hit the ground hard, it sounded great on playback, but it did hurt a little. Was it Karma for reading a funny voiceover, was it big brother playing prank on me? Perhaps. Below is a reenactment so you can get a feel for how much pain was caused when I hit the deck. Notice however that my scripts were not crumpled in any way, which I believe a testament to my script protection skills.
Voiceover danger
My voiceover stack reenactment.
No injuries, except for a minor paper cut.
YAY! AUSTRALIA 4th in the Medal Tally (silver)
Our Australian Olympians and Coaches have been copping it from all angles for crying too much, throwing Kebabs and generally under performing in what is being called our worst Olympic performance in 20 years. Not fair!! Its time to stop focusing on the negative and look for the silver lining people. We are actually coming 4th beating the worlds number 1 silver producer MEXICO in the Silver medal tally. Plus, silver is worth more than gold in some cases. Where? Well um, what about if you were being attacked by a werewolf or a vampire? in that case silver would be worth more than gold, it could even save your life. There you go. Also our Olympians already beat all 22 million people in Australia to GET to the Olympics, so lets take a gander at all the lazy countries with bigger populations that we are beating in the medal tally. Like Indonesia for example, for a very disciplined country Indonesia have 242,325,638 people and are at 43rd in the medal tally so far. India have over a billion, they have nukes, but no Gold! Come on Aussies, lets celebrate the countries we’re beating in the medal tally 😉
So it goes GOLD, SILVER, BRONZE and TOTAL – Then stuff I googled.
24 Australia 1 12 7 20 POPULATION a tincey tiny 22 million
25 Canada 1 3 6 10 POPULATION 34,482,779
26 Czech Republic 1 3 1 5 A lot
27 Sweden 1 3 0 4 A lot
28 Kenya 1 2 2 5 Kenya try harder? POP 41,609,728
29 Brazil 1 1 5 7 POPULATION 196,655,014 DISAPPOINTING!!!
30 Slovenia 1 1 2 4 Ok they only have 2 million, moving on
31 Croatia 1 1 0 2 Lots of hawt babes.
31 Switzerland 1 1 0 2 Only 8 million but they have awesome chocolate and beer so its understandable theyre unfit
33 Iran 1 0 1 2 Trouble and nukes
33 Lithuania 1 0 1 2 Im sick of googling
35 Georgia 1 0 0 1 I went out with a Georgia onece
35 Venezuela 1 0 0 1 Usually good at creating beauty Queens Looky looky – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Venezuelans
37 Mexico 0 3 2 5 POPULATION 112,336,538
38 Colombia 0 3 1 4 They will have a tasty Cigar even if they lose, so really they’re winning
39 Spain 0 2 1 3 POPULATION 47,190,493 thats a lot of Tapas
40 Slovakia 0 1 3 4 Google it
41 Azerbaijan 0 1 2 3 Yahoo it
41 India 0 1 2 3 What! India only has a million? Oh sorry thats a billion. 1,241,491,960
43 Armenia 0 1 1 2 Come on seriously you can search it yourself now.
43 Belgium 0 1 1 2 Nice beer and chocolate
43 Indonesia 0 1 1 2 POPULATION 242,325,638
43 Mongolia 0 1 1 2 I had mongolian BBQ last night, its awesome.
43 Norway 0 1 1 2 Norway am Im getting off topic here.
43 Serbia 0 1 1 2 Never been there, heard its pretty.
49 Egypt 0 1 0 1 Pyramids.
49 Guatemala 0 1 0 1 I heart Guacamole
49 Malaysia 0 1 0 1 Cheap flights from sydney on that new Scoot airline
49 Thailand 0 1 0 1 69 million and awesome scuba diving
49 Chinese Taipei 0 1 0 1 Hang on, maybe they should just rejoin china, they’re WINNING!!
54 Greece 0 0 2 2 Euro troubles, understandable.
54 Moldova 0 0 2 2 Pavalova.
56 Argentina 0 0 1 1 Really really want to go there.
56 Hong Kong 0 0 1 1 My mum won a gold medal in shopping there.
56 Qatar 0 0 1 1 I can play Stairway to heaven on the Quatar
56 Singapore 0 0 1 1 Noodles
56 Tunisia 0 0 1 1 No comment.
56 Uzbekistan 0 0 1 1 They make Uzi’s
Pick your Date
Ok, so that wasn’t the name we went with for my new dating show. I wanted “bro’s and Hos”,”pick me Im not a whore”, “mikes web cam hotties” or “dont pick the axe murderer”, but apparantley they were taken. All the TV channels want it, but who needs an annoying TV channel when you have to put the show on at a certain time. My chumlinks, you can watch ours whenever! The first episode or Date or Dud features “sex expert” Dr Nikki Goldstien and I hear after the launch of this episode she brought out her own range of camaflaged vibrators. Yes ones that you can wear ad agroovy bangle or ancklette and nobody will even know that your actually orgasiming in the back corner of Starbucks while ordering a caramel late. So have a look and if youre game, not at Nikki knocking one out, but at our super cool new show, or even have a go by uploading a video saying why you should be the date. Every contestant wins $100 cash, a $50 itunes voucher, the chance at an all expenses paid dream date and a free vagazzaling kit. Ok, theres no Vegazzaling kit, but I want one. Really. http://dateordud.com.au/ 